Love and the Theory of Concern
True love simply cannot exist without concern
The Famoux
Packed away in the secret corner of my closet in my childhood bedroom back at home (I’m currently typing this out in my dorm room at uni), is my beloved copy of Kassandra Tate’s dystopian novel, The Famoux.
For those of you who may not know, The Famoux (pronounced: fame-ex) is a Wattpad sensation. And the answer to both your questions is no: no, the book is not steamy and no, the book is not dumb or stereotypical by any means.
For a YA novel, it’s one of those super rare good finds. In fact, before I purchased my much-awaited copy of the published version, teenage me would re-read the draft on Wattpad for years and years on end.
Anyways, the book tackles the concept of love in a very if-you-blink-you-might-miss-it kind of way. Romance (if not for contextual artificial or publicity purposes), is a sub-plot — my favourite trope — I digress.
As the protagonist, Emeray Essence, falls in love with Chapter Stones, he explains to her his theory of concern, therefore of love:
“It’s my way of saying I care,” he says. “Concern is a good thing. At least, I think so.
When you’re concerned about someone else, it’s not about you. It’s selfless.
You’ll do things for them that you get nothing out of, because [you feel] you have to. You’re concerned.”
Love and concern
We live in an era that throws the word ‘love’ around like confetti without considering the implications of what it truly means.
It is thrown around in romantic relationships, friendships, familial relations, and sometimes even strangers online.
And while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing — sometimes telling someone you love them can translate to ‘I want to love you’ — if it isn’t coupled with concern, the sentiment is meaningless.
Concern is other-regarding. It is putting aside any bad blood you may have with someone and going out of your way to make sure they are okay.
Concern endorses ‘if they want to they will’ and overrules ‘I also want to sometimes but I don’t’.
Concern is not driven by ego, but solely by selflessness.
And so, the hill I am willing to die on is this:
While you can be concerned for someone and not love them, you cannot claim to love someone and not be concerned for them.
You cannot not care whether or not they ate the whole day knowing full well they had a 12-hour shift since last night.
You cannot not care whether or not their studies are going well when you’ve been witnessing them being almost married to their bed for the past few weeks.
You cannot not care for their safety knowing full well there’s been a lot of crime in their area lately.
You cannot not care whether or not they are getting by in life when you’re aware of what they’re going through.
You cannot not do something about any of the above and more but claim to love someone.
Because that is concern — that is love.
And so, if there are people in your life who claim to love you but don’t show concern for you, I’ve got news for you, buddy.
“Concern is good,” Chapter says. “I think it’s got more to it than love.”
𝕌𝕟𝕥𝕚𝕝 𝕟𝕖𝕩𝕥 𝕥𝕚𝕞𝕖, ℕ𝕠𝕝𝕨𝕒𝕫𝕚 (:
